Saturday, April 7, 2012
Current State of Being
A state of confusion has overtaken my life. I'm currently sitting at work and I tend to have a lot of free time at my particular job. Pandora is blasting through my headphones and i'm in my own little world. This would be all fine and dandy if this free time didn't allow my mind to continuously wander. Although I try to avoid it I somehow end up worrying about the future and also the present. Will I be able to perform well on my finals? Will they be disrupted by evacuation? What's in store for the summer? will I be able to get into that last class I wasn't able to register for in the fall? These are just a few of the thoughts that race through my mind. and as I think of this my phone goes off .... new message from Pit ENS, 2 more threats. at this time I just can't even function properly, yesterday my dorm was threatened and I haven't been able to sleep the past few weeks. The state of panic and paranoia that has overcome the students of the University is no joke. It's affecting my ability to concentrate and has sent my brain into overdrive of what if scenarios. This is obviously not helping my already overactive brain. I'd just really like for all the madness to stop so I can somewhat breathe a little easier. I suppose all I can do is try to put it all out of my mind but that's a wee bit impossible with my phone going off with new ENS messages every day. I've called my parents, they say don't worry but they're not here so they don't have to endure this day in and day out. It's an almost impossible situation, the University isn't doing much to calm my nerves or reassure me. I just don't even know what to think anymore.
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I completely relate to what you're saying in this. One of the interesting parts, I think, is how people on the outside are so prone to say, oh, well after 30 it can't really be scary anymore. It's hard to explain that the threat of the bomb itself isn't necessarily where the anxiety comes from. I hope you find a good way to push through it-and hopefully they'll catch the person soon-and lock them up for good ha.
ReplyDeleteI also have a job which lends me a lot of free time to think, and my boss is also obsessing over this issue, which makes me even more nervous! It seems to be absolutely all that people are talking about.. every where you go it's mentioned. I am the same way: over-thinking, and over-analyzing every possible situation as if I'll be the one to catch this guy (that's a joke). What has helped me is to simply not talk about it. Don't bring it up in conversation too often (it's obviously going to be discussed at times), and when people continuously go on about it, ask them to change the subject. Focus on the good things coming up: summer, finishing finals, a break from these burdens! Just try to keep your mind positive and hopefully that will help you dissipate some of the fear! This is such a crazy situation, and no one ever thought it could happen to them, but it has, and people are dealing with it. The more he/she/they do this, the better a chance of them getting caught!!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you set up the overall worry of the bomb threats from a specific time/setting you were thinking about it. This definitely makes the post seem really immediate but also giving it a kind of reflective distance (I guess that comes from the writing about thinking about it). I'm really sorry you had to deal with the bomb threats affecting you so much (I live off campus so at least I didn't have my sleep affected). Talking to my friends who live in the dorms, it definitely seems like the anxiety really is ratcheted up when you don't really have anywhere to escape it. I don't know if you're still around campus but did you hear the fireworks the other night from the CMU concert? That scared the living shit out of me. I was in Bruce when I heard them and immediately grabbed my girlfriend and ran all the way to my house on Bates street before I found out what it really was.
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